What a strange life

It never ceases to amaze me just how life has decided to take the wheel with my life recently. For those who don't believe in fate, you're clearly missing out.

Some may call me lucky but I create my own luck at times and when I do it's mostly bad luck. People only seem to notice achievements but they fail to realize that similar to tetris, mistakes pile up and achievements will disappear but will give you a sense of pride that is akin to collecting points.

Nevertheless I built up a collection of bad blocks over the past couple years and maybe that one line block that I've been waiting for has finally decided to show its face for me.

It's a strange feeling writing about something other than a deep sadness or facetious rant but this is something that I've been putting off because recently I could not seem to form any coherent thought or blurb about something as complex as love.

Being a person who requires time to process and plan things out, I felt that my surge of impulsiveness required a much longer time to regurgitate into some words. So here it is, a sense of nothingness that I hope will become something more for the ones who wish to understand my scribbling.

I've been breaking a lot of rules and comfort zones and though everyone seems to frown upon my decisions, I feel - No - I know that the decisions I've made have been fruitful and positive.

People say not to love too fast because you leave yourself vulnerable.

People say not to test the waters with both feet.

People say not to rely on others for happiness.

People say that happiness comes from within.

People say that in order to be happy with someone, you must first be happy with yourself.

And these people are not wrong. These people are those who have molded themselves with the same fire that I seek. Experiences that they have trudged through and the hurt they have felt have given them every right to preach and warn.

But maybe I don't fear what they fear.

Maybe I seek something different and maybe I want to be different. I am a different person than most and that's something that I've grown to accept.

Maybe I've found someone that I feel deserves what I can provide and more.

Maybe I've found someone who will hold my hand as we jump into these waters together.

Maybe I've found someone who gives me a strange warmth that makes me feel as though happiness is something that is both physical and mental.

Maybe I've found someone who needs me as much as I need them.

Maybe I've found someone that is broken like me and we can fix each other with one step at a time.

And maybe I've found someone who keeps me up at night and makes me unable to sleep because reality is finally better than my dreams.

I was never the kind of person to follow rules anyway.